the last day of the beginning of my life..

this was written July 31

Today is the day that my life as it was officially ends. My dad is getting married. To a woman who is not my mother and I could not be more heartbroken. I play like I'm happy for him to his face and to my mother's face I play indifferent. But inside I'm breaking apart piece by piece. Its killing me to see my family die. Its irreparably broken and fatally wounded. I know we were never a happy happy family but we were together and that was how it was supposed to be.
I have a theory. God ordains marriage right? But a judge grants divorce. I don't think in Gods eyes you can be divorced ever really. Only in mans eyes. So in Gods eyes my dad is cheating on my mom. And that's exactly what it feels like to me.
I could totally be wrong about my theory but it helps me to sort of sort things out for myself. I guess.

new new new

Everything in my world is new..
well mostly..

actually the only thing that's new is my place of dwelling.. i moved out of my mom's house last week and into an apartment (which i love!!)

my roommates take a bit of getting used to, but i think it's all going to work out quite nicely and it's what i needed at this point in my life.. which is to get away from my family for a while.. and i don't miss them

is that bad? that i don't miss my parents or my brother.. i take that back . i miss them sometimes so i go visit them and within a couple of hours i'm irritated again and want to go back to my own place .. that's nice!  :)