have your cake .. but ya can't eat it!

ya ever been in a situation where something was happening and there was absolutely nothing you could do about it.. well i never have been

until now

for as long as i can remember i've pretty much gotten what i wanted.. never got a horse or a swimming pool or a trampoline, but other than that i have.. i got the car for graduation and the laptop i wanted.. i get money when i ask for it even though it's never as much as i want (waa waa huh?) i've always been able to have my cake and eat it too.. it's never been a problem..

but now i'm finding myself in a situation that i don't like and don't want and didn't ask for .. and worst of all there's nothing i can do to stop it..

• i can't make my family work right
• i can't make my parents get back together
• i can't tell my dad that i don't want him to marry this woman
• i can't tell my mom how upset i am at all of this b/c then she would be upset too
• i can't run away or cut my dad out of my life b/c he won't let me (now that he's realized that him being gone all the time is why we have no relationship he's trying to be father of the year all at once and it's driving me nuts!!)

so what is my answer .. what can i do.. nothing. that's what.. i have to sit here and realize that my life is not working out the way it was supposed too in my head .. and that opens the door of "well if this isn't working out right then what about my other plans??" my plans of becoming a doctor and marrying an amazing man who thinks i'm the best thing since play-doh.. what about my plans of having enough money to make my family comfortable and secure, of having a nice Jeep to drive and living in a house of my own design across the road from my mom.. what about those dreams and aspirations.. should i just give up on them? should i quit dreaming b/c of this nasty bump in my road??

i don't know ... but i know that i want to have my cake and eat it too.. i want my life to be abundant and fantastic..

i want it all.